inspiration

as i mentioned before, i started my training at starbucks this week. it has been surprisingly fun thanks to my 'learning coach', stephen, who is both exceedingly patient and witty. yesterday we were talking about our corporate giant sugar-daddy of an employer and he aptly noted that ours isn't your typical coffee-house. "i don't envision any inspired poetry being written in this setting."

unless it would be some bitter, 'i hate the man' slam poetry, i think he's right.

made a cappucino today, which is quite an accomplishment in case you didn't know. i mean, it's not something that should end up in the papers or anything, but it is worth mentioning in my little blog that no one reads. for me, an undetermined length of time from this point on will be filled with the making of cappucinos, so i felt that the first one was note-worthy. the rest will likely never be mentioned.

it is kinda hard to think about what i was doing 3 months ago as compared to what i am doing now... i had plenty to fill you in on then, and now i'm writing about hot beverages. but the consistency is that i feel like both settings and situations have provided me with an opportunity to build good relationships with interesting people who i might never have met otherwise. i hope i can maintain the learning posture that i was forced into in freetown. there are still people to learn from and questions to ask. the Jesus who i found around every corner in freetown is the same one i will find on the corner of west main and broadway.

madness!!!

what is it about a $5 pay-in that suddenly makes me crazy about NCAA basketball? i'm so competitive sometimes... it's a little embarassing. but my bracket is shot and ohio state is out already, so it's not as fun as it was a couple of days ago.

i went to visit mi familia this weekend. it was really fun. thursday night tyler and i met nate and the skidmore trio in columbus for some rotten fun. for those of you who don't know the skidmores, you are totally missing out. they are all rotten and hilarious. i laughed a lot. friday i watched the ohio state game with my grandma. she really gets into it and knows the stats and personal stories of all her fave players. she never ceases to amaze. my mom and i watched pride and prejudice - LOVED IT. i need to get a pay check so i can buy it! my dad and i watched some basketball but we refrained from any debating this weekend - except for me defending myself against his disapproval of my decision to put duke in the final four in my bracket. last night i went to visit dara and brad in westerville which was great. i hadn't seen dara since june i think, so it was fun to just sit around at her house and tell stories. she thinks i'm really funny for some reason so she just lets me talk and laughs at everything! it's quite affirming. today i listened to my dad give an excellent sermon, i got saved, ate some good food and then drove back to kentucky. other random happenings of the weekend were visits with my other grandparents and girl scout cookie binges.

tomorrow i will finally start my training at starbucks. it's been a loooong road, but i have an actual job now! i've never wanted to work so much in my life.

i hope everyone is doing good. peace out.

stuff

things in kentucky are fair... not great, not awful. the job situation remains frustrating, but i have been able to do some kind of income-earning activity at least a few days each week. legal things, of course! i realize that sounded a little shady. still waiting for something reliable and profitable to start happening. today i substitute taught for a kindergarten assistant in the AM, and then a kindergarten special ed teacher in the afternoon, and then i substitute waitressed at a local resturant during the UK SEC tourny game. i'm not sure which environment was louder or more exhausting. i just know that i am really tired, yet i'm still awake because of wireless internet...

i guess i've been back in the US for almost 3 months now. that's kinda weird because i still don't quite feel at home yet. didn't expect that. i've heard that this happens, but it's so strange when you're going through it. and i'm still not caught up on all of the pop-cultural pleasures that come with US citizenship. i feel like every time someone asks if i've seen some movie or heard of some band, i have no clue what they're talking about... i'm so not cool anymore! i probably never really was... :)

let's see... i'm currently reading 'the bookseller of kabul' which i really like, but am not gripped by. so it's taking me forever, but not because i don't like it. i'm just not into it enough to make it a priority. but i do like it! don't get me wrong. 'the kite runner' is probably next on my list. it's been recommended by just about everyone so i guess i should get on board.

i realize that these random updates are totally boring... sorry about that. i am still feeling a little disoriented and caught up in a transition. and it's really getting old! i feel like i just need to stay in one place and hybernate for a while and then i'm sure i'll be at it again. pulling out the soapbox and ranting about my chosen injustice of the week and hopefully planning my next escape across an ocean or maybe south of the equator... i haven't done that yet!

okay, who knows when i'll post something again, but thanks for checking in on me.

i miss kentucky and i miss my family...

for anyone interested, that is a line from a ryan adams song, and the following line is "all the sweetest winds, they blow across the south."

okay so i guess i should update since a lot has changed since December 18... over new year's i made a visit to lexington, KY to visit my friend Jenny and her husband Stevie. at some point during that weekend we decided that i should move in with them, and amazingly everyone in my life thought that was a pretty good idea. so here i am, living in Nicholasville, Kentucky (NickVegas) and happy about the decision. i got here on january 16, the day before my 25th birthday (which i wasn't too excited about). i was sick with strep-throat for a week, but have since made a pretty descent transistion. i am really sick of transitioning. i've done a lot of that in the last 8 months. i know that that's what life is, but it takes a lot out of you after a while... but i really have missed kentucky since i left nearly 3 years ago, and i'm happy to be back.

you might be wondering, so here's your answer; NO. i do not currently have a job. however, that should be taken care of very soon. i completed all of my paperwork to start substitute teaching and i have an interview at starbucks soon.

because i haven't had a job, i've had a lot of time to think. i don't know that this is considered an actual activity to many people, but it is for me. so i don't feel like i've wasted a lot of time by not having an actual job because i really have been working hard up there. i've been reading some, but that usually just sparks more thoughts and the book gets set aside while i stare out the window. sometimes i write. most of the time i don't. a lot of times i end up crying. more and more often i want to talk about it. i'm afraid that i'm becoming one of those "when i was in freetown" people, but i can't help it... i finally want to talk about it and i haven't felt that way much. so maybe you'll hear more about it on this little blog. speaking of which, i thought it was time for a face-lift. maybe i'll eventually put some pictures up here. no promises. :)

i finally got my library card (which is a much more complicated process than one would expect), so i will be able to e-mail and hit the old blog more often now. sorry that i've been out of it for a while.

much love to you all.

FYI

i made it home-sweet-home as planned on monday night. i've been sleeping and eating and visiting family for the last few days, and i finally started making some phone calls and trying to catch up with friends today. i've already subbed a couple of times at the YMCA and have earned a whole $42! big money.

leaving freetown was hard, but it seems like that was so long ago... in reality it has been just over a week. i think about the kids all the time and i miss the girls from my team a lot. but it feels good to be home for the most part. the reverse culture shock hasn't killed me yet, and i've become a expert tongue-biter in moments when it comes close to getting the best of me. i'd appreciate your prayers and patience in this area. i'm having trouble articulating anything more than "it was hard and good" when people ask about freetown. that's actually the best 1-sentence answer i can give, and sometimes i wonder if that's all i should say anyway. but like i said, thanks for being patient.

on thursday morning ( i think it was thursday...) i got a fun surprise in the form of a phone call from one of my friends in freetown! let's just say that i have a hard enough time with Krio, but a shakey connection and a phone delay make it even more interesting. regardless, it was one of the most loving gestures that i have ever received (the kid decided to spend his money on the phone call instead of lunch).

those kids never cease to amaze me. and so the lessons continue...

isaiah 62

For Zion's sake I will not keep silent, for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet, till her righteousness shines out like the dawn, her salvation like a blazing torch.

The nations will see your righteousness, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.

You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the LORD will take delight in you, and your land will be married.

As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.

I have posted watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they will never be silent day or night. You who call on the LORD, give yourselves no rest,

and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem and makes her the praise of the earth.

The LORD has sworn by his right hand and by his mighty arm: "Never again will I give your grain as food for your enemies, and never again will foreigners drink the new wine for which you have toiled;

but those who harvest it will eat it and praise the LORD, and those who gather the grapes will drink it in the courts of my sanctuary."

Pass through, pass through the gates! Prepare the way for the people. Build up, build up the highway! Remove the stones. Raise a banner for the nations.

The LORD has made proclamation to the ends of the earth: "Say to the Daughter of Zion, 'See, your Savior comes! See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him.' "

They will be called the Holy People, the Redeemed of the LORD; and you will be called Sought After, the City No Longer Deserted.

farewell to freetown

only 2 days to go. i can't even believe it. i started packing last night which involved packing a lot of things that hadn't been touched since they were unpacked in august... that was funny and annoying. but it somehow made me realize that i have been here a long time. i've actually lived here. i didn't just visit. i've (kinda) learned a new language and (kinda) adapted to a new culture. i've made a lot of new friends, and have even met a few people who i would swear were family.

in one breath i am excited to go back to my original home and terrified to leave this place that i have learned to love. i say 'learned' because i can't say that it came naturally. on one hand, i look forward to things like hugging my family and sitting at the table in my mom's kitchen. but being in that time and place will of course require that i am excluded from this time and place - where i can hug fatmata or sheku and sit around the table at the aberdeen house. but that all makes me think of heaven and look forward to the day when my longings don't have to contradict each other.

sooooo... this time on friday we will begin the long process of getting to the airport and then getting in the air. this is rumored to take up to 10 hours to do. we'll see. we'll arrive in london saturday morning, hang out there for a couple of days (thanks to a ticketing glitch) and i'll be back in ohio on monday night. so i'll be seeing or talking to many of you very soon!

in case you haven't heard, i'll be spending the next 6 or 7 months in circleville. stop laughing. is anyone keeping track of how many times i've said i wouldn't live there again? the plan is to get a cheap apartment, subsitute teach and get some other job, and save money and pay some loans. and of course, hang with the family. i've missed them a lot. i feel like a lot has happened since i left and i am starving for some good time with them.

so, you won't be reading anything else from me from west africa. and as they say in krio, "da na di soriest pat" ('that is the sorriest part' - sorry erin, i totally bin tif yu layn)! i will most likely continue to process and reflect and ramble on this sight when i get home, so you can look forward to that. :)

a lek una bad, en a go gladi for si una bak.

(i love you all, and i will be happy to see you all again.)

thanksgivingish

i hope you all had a happy thanksgiving! i had a very happy and very interesting one myself.

an american woman who works for mercy ships called faye a week or so ago and asked if we wanted to come to their house for thanksgiving dinner... heck yeah! then we found out that it was a carry-in and we had to actually cook thanksgiving-like foods to bring with us. now, i'm usually all about the carry-in/potluck/schmorgasboard meal, but you can't make greenbean caserole on a kerosene stove. and of course, we were asked to bring the greenbean caserole. but that was okay, we've gotten good at improvising, so we tried. and we used the mercy ships oven. as you might imagine, we couldn't find french-fried onions, so we went with the corn chips option. it didn't work out too well. don't try it if you're ever trying to cook thanksgiving dinner in africa.

the moral of the story (or rather, the point of this post) is that i recognize that i have much to be thankful for. the common Krio (sierra leonean language) response to the question "how are you?" is "i tell God 'thank you.'" maybe it isn't even thought about when it is said, and i admit that it doesn't always register with me when i hear it, but it is a striking phrase in the context of this place and these people who have suffered and continue to suffer so much. it is easy for me to tell God 'thank you' when my belly is full and i know my mom loves me. but how thankful would i be if i hadn't eaten for 2 days and my mom gave me bruises on a regular basis? if my husband was dead? if my home was under water?

thanksgiving is worship. it is something that i must choose. i hope that i have learned enough from the people of freetown that i can choose to be thankful in spite of circumstance. i have seen that thankfulness isn't about the things that i have, it is about acknowledging that i serve a good God. a God who gives not so that we will thank him, but simply because He is good. all the time. everywhere.


i choose to be thankful today.

traffic jam

being stuck in traffic is rarely all that fun, so i'm not going to pretend like i've gained a ton of patience during my diesel-fume-ridden stay in africa, but today i was grateful for the pace at which our taxi was moving. in case you're wondering, that pace was slow enough that it only took a minute or so for a 7ish-year-old boy on foot to overtake us. not that he even knew we were there... he was completely in his own 7-year-old boy world. and don't think for a second that it was a different world than your own kid - or neighbor, or nephew, or any other 7 year old - lives in. i think that my mom would probably say he was be-bopping, and that's as good a description as any. strides as long as he was tall, chest pointed to the sky, head high, arms swinging like mad, emmersed in serious dialog with someone only he could see... i laughed out loud.

the beauty of it is that, in spite of the layers of difference that our eyes see, we're not really all that different, are we?

i thank God for 7-year-olds, and for the reminder that we all look the same through His eyes.

why should your heart not dance?

okay i told you all last time how much i loved reading "till we have faces"... i have to do a little reflecting for you. can't help myself... let me quote the relevant part first:

"we had come into the sunlight now, too bright to look into, and warm (i threw back my cloak). heavy dew made the grass jewel-bright. the mountain, far greater yet also far further off than i expected, seen with the sun hanging a hand-breadth above its topmost crags, did not look like a solid thing. between us and it was a vast tumble of valley and hill, woods and cliffs, and more little lakes than i could count. to left and right, and behind us, the whole coloured world with all its hills was heaped up and up to the sky, with, far away, a gleam of what we call the sea... there was a lark singing; but for that, huge and ancient stillness.

and my struggle was this. you may well believe that i had set out sad enough; i came on a sad errand. now, flung at me like frolic or insolence, there came as if it were a voice -- no words -- but if you made it into words it would be, "why should your heart not dance?" it's the measure of my folly that my heart almost answered, "why not?" i had to tell myself over like a lesson the infinite reasons i had not to dance. my heart to dance? mine whose love was taken from me, I, the ugly princess who must never look for other love, the drudge of the King, the jailer of Redival, perhaps to be murdered or turned out as a beggar when my father died... and yet, it was a lesson i could hardly keep in my mind. the sight of the huge world put mad ideas into me, as if i could wander away, wander forever, see strange and beautiful things, one after the other to the world's end. the freshness and wetness all about me made me feel that i had misjudged the world; it seemed kind, and laughing, as if its heart also danced. even my ugliness i could not quite believe in. who can feel ugly when the heart meets delight? it is as if, somewhere inside, within the hideous face and bony limbs, one is soft, fresh, lissom and desirable."

okay, the first thing that strikes me is how ugly, sad, and worthelss she feels. it tears at my heart that she would feel that about herself, but i hate to admit that i've actually felt those same things a lot since i've been here... sometimes freetown (or any other challenging life situation) makes me close in on myself. i let my focus and my thoughts turn inward which is always a dangerous (but occasionally neccessary) idea. the result of the inward focus is that i am overwhelmed with questions about a lot of things. i question the reality of hope, victory, love; and the possibility of freedom, justice, peace. but most of all, i question my own worth, lovability (if that's a word), adequacy. it's hard to admit that i feel these things, but i believe that this may be a sorrow that we all share... no matter our age, race, sex, nationality, at some time or another don't we all question whether or not we are loved?

total downer, i know, but self-pity isn't the point of the story... the point is that something outside of us is the source of an immense joy - a joy that the story-teller literally has to struggle against, telling herself that she is ugly, worthless, hopeless. but the beauty outside of her overpowers the sad mask that she wears. and when she delights in the things around her, she somehow senses that she is loved - but more than that - that she is desirable!

this has been a powerful message for me lately. i can't even tell you the ways that this story has worked its way into my days. it is a striking illustration of what i sense is felt by many people in Freetown - people who live their lives on pavement, waiting to be recognized, to be touched... but i feel like their sorrow is the same as mine - i just have the luxury to mask it. i can attest that God is showing me His love through many of my friends here, and i feel like that's helping me removc the mask. as i get to know these amazing people, hear their stories, understand their dreams, i can clearly see a God who is present and active and that itself is a source of joy in my life. as you can see, i have a lot of thoughts, and they aren't completely linear, so i'm going to spare you some of them!

anyway, i hope that God is showing you, as he is showing me, that you are lovely and desired in spite of yourself!