all-stars

2 nights ago i woke up at 3:45 AM after a creepy dream. the house was really quiet, which i hate, and i couldn't seem to stabilize the creepy feeling. i finally got out of bed to turn on the TV just for some white noise so i could fall asleep again. the TV was on PBS (because i am a raging dork and i must watch 'as time goes by' every night before i go to sleep) and they were playing the documentary "Sierra Leone's Refugee All-Stars". it is about a group of sierra leonean refugees (obviously) who meet at a camp in guinea and form a band. it is truly a story of hope and peace, as these people find a way to rise above their context and surroundings to LOVE each other and CREATE something. beautiful!

i missed the first half hour, but stayed awake to watch the part where UNHCR flies the band members back to freetown from guinea to record an album. it was crazy to hear what they each had to say upon re-entry to their hometown. i have only seen the post-conflict version of freetown, so it was enlightening to watch the initial reactions from people who only knew the place before it blew up. grace, the female member of the band, expressed my favorite quote- "o, freetown" -said in the way that only a sierra leonean can say it, but i think anyone who heard her tone would have understood the mixed bag of emotions that those words contained. among many other things i heard a longing to be home, twinged with doubt that such a place any longer exhists. that angst must be one of the most difficult parts of life as a refugee.

i'm so SO excited about the upcoming move, but in all honesty, i'm feeling a little discouraged lately. sometimes in the midst of all the details - large and small - it feels like i may never get there. i'm sure it's good for me. i've never experienced such a lack of control over my own circumstances - or at least i've never been aware or concerned when i have... but i'm wound pretty tightly these days. :) just remember me. i'll try to loosen up in the meanwhile.